January 2009
3 posts
Dakota Fanning
Kurt Russell (future post) has been quoted as saying that Dakota Fanning is the greatest actress with whom he’ll work in his entire life. Well, Kurt, do you think that might be because your film resume includes such heady endeavors as Poseidon, Overboard, and Captain Ron? That’d be like the singer from Smashmouth telling me who the greatest guitar player in rock history is.
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Steve Jobs
For anybody who doesn’t already know, Steve Jobs is the Chairman and CEO of Apple Computers. I guess I’d like to say thanks for making better computers than Dell, and brining peace to Darfur by the advent of the iPod, but that aside, fuck you, Steve Jobs. I’m having to fightblog today from a remote place because of your goddamned faulty power cords. I’ve got a PowerBook...
Haley Joel Osment
Whoa. The Sixth Sense was like having your teeth shattered by a Frenchman wielding an over-sized glass dildo. It wasn’t Bruce Willis’ fault; that guy kicks total ass (even for a bald dude) and I would never claim that I could waste him. Then who’s to blame? Famed twist-ending specialist Director M. Night Shyamalan? Donnie Wahlberg as the confused, stripped near nude Vincent...
December 2008
1 post
Randy Quaid
The first time that I saw National Lampoon’s Vegas Vacation, I got so pissed that I threw a brick through my own car window while driving home from the theater. The thing was, I didn’t even care that I had to spend $600 to replace my windshield because I was too busy being so goddamned angry at Randy Quaid.
Remember that part where he takes Chevy Chase into the shitty part of Vegas...